Blogging , Blogging, Blogging. I started this experiment with my wife to see how far we/I could get....you know looking interested enough to get points and to be able to get to do what you want later on type look. Somehow it got to me, it allowed me to focus on the daily ins and outs of a married man's mind! The constant onslaught of checklists that a man has to go over in his mind to make his day go smoothly, like...."What time is the game", "Oh yeah I'm Married", "That girl is hot" and "Oh yeah never forget my wedding band" that kind of stuff!
But seriously this joint venture with my wife has been fulfilling. Allowing yourself to open up and express what is on the INSIDE is cleansing, something as men we don't do because it is interpreted as being weak among some men especially the old school group (grin and bear it, bite the bullet). My Dad could never tell me and my brothers that he loved us because and I quote "My father never expressed that feeling to me so that's why I never did it with you guys". It has only been later in life that he has started to loosen up and express how he feels about his family.
I say when you start to get older you start thinking about how you are going to get into heaven (get on the usher board, church choir, start doing charity work, etc.) and tell your son you love him. But with all honesty I luv the old man.
To my wife whom I love the ground she walks on, we will run into many speed bumps in our life but together we will smooth all of them out!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
If Only I Could be Called "Mommy"
So we took a break from this whole blogging thing, but after much conversation we have decided to go at it again on consistent basis. We even put it on a schedule so that we remember to blog at least twice a week. Pray for us a we continue this journey of marriage and consistency in our blogging. I once heard that you have to do something for 21 days consecutively to be consistent at it, my challenge is sometimes I struggle doing things for 21 minutes!!!
As Mother's Day quickly approaches sometimes I can't help but be jealous of all of you blessed mom's out there. Exactly one year to this day John and I lost our third baby. On May 5, 2008 what started as an exciting day for us, turned out to be another tragic one.
With great anticipation we knew that this was our time, FINALLY. We had been together for 7 years, of that 7 we had been married for almost 5 and we were ready to share the love we have for each other with a little John or Kenya (for those of you that know us that is kind of a scary thought). As I waited for John to meet me at the doctor's office I began to have this awful pain and knew something was not right. Having had 2 miscarriages before I know ALL the signs of a miscarriage in the making. When John arrived I was crying and I told him "I think we have lost this one" in such a comforting way he said "It's going to be okay, don't say that wait until the ultrasound" but deep inside I knew it was not going to be okay. When the nurse called us back and our ultrasound was started there was nothing, our little one was GONE. The way I looked at he/she had joined his other little brothers or sisters in heaven, but how could God do this to me/us AGAIN!! He had allowed all of these other people to have children that surely did not seem worthy in my eyes or did not want them, some even being blessed with 3, 4, and 5 and we can't have 1. Angry was not the word to explain how I was feeling.
The week before I was given an ultrasound because having had 2 miscarriages before any slight pain I felt I was headed to doctor's during the first couple of weeks of my pregnancy. The last trip I was told that I would have to wait about 3 hours before I could be seen for an ultrasound, but my doctor thought it was best so that I could see that things were going "okay". That day I was able to see the development of our 3rd child I was so excited for John to experience this with me within the next 2 weeks, but unfortunately that day never came. I now know that everything happens for a reason, and just because it is your plan it may not be God's plan. So we patiently wait for God's plan to take place.
I still do not know why the 3rd miscarriage affected me so much more than the 1st and 2nd, afterall I really never gave a second thought to being a "Mommy" on Mother's Day until last year. I like to jokingly say we don't have kids because we like "OPK's" (other people's kids), but I do hope and pray that one day I can be called "Mommy" and someone that love's kids as much as we do will have the honor of loving my "OPK" as much as we love so many others.
Happy Mother's Day to All the "Mommies"!!!
As Mother's Day quickly approaches sometimes I can't help but be jealous of all of you blessed mom's out there. Exactly one year to this day John and I lost our third baby. On May 5, 2008 what started as an exciting day for us, turned out to be another tragic one.
With great anticipation we knew that this was our time, FINALLY. We had been together for 7 years, of that 7 we had been married for almost 5 and we were ready to share the love we have for each other with a little John or Kenya (for those of you that know us that is kind of a scary thought). As I waited for John to meet me at the doctor's office I began to have this awful pain and knew something was not right. Having had 2 miscarriages before I know ALL the signs of a miscarriage in the making. When John arrived I was crying and I told him "I think we have lost this one" in such a comforting way he said "It's going to be okay, don't say that wait until the ultrasound" but deep inside I knew it was not going to be okay. When the nurse called us back and our ultrasound was started there was nothing, our little one was GONE. The way I looked at he/she had joined his other little brothers or sisters in heaven, but how could God do this to me/us AGAIN!! He had allowed all of these other people to have children that surely did not seem worthy in my eyes or did not want them, some even being blessed with 3, 4, and 5 and we can't have 1. Angry was not the word to explain how I was feeling.
The week before I was given an ultrasound because having had 2 miscarriages before any slight pain I felt I was headed to doctor's during the first couple of weeks of my pregnancy. The last trip I was told that I would have to wait about 3 hours before I could be seen for an ultrasound, but my doctor thought it was best so that I could see that things were going "okay". That day I was able to see the development of our 3rd child I was so excited for John to experience this with me within the next 2 weeks, but unfortunately that day never came. I now know that everything happens for a reason, and just because it is your plan it may not be God's plan. So we patiently wait for God's plan to take place.
I still do not know why the 3rd miscarriage affected me so much more than the 1st and 2nd, afterall I really never gave a second thought to being a "Mommy" on Mother's Day until last year. I like to jokingly say we don't have kids because we like "OPK's" (other people's kids), but I do hope and pray that one day I can be called "Mommy" and someone that love's kids as much as we do will have the honor of loving my "OPK" as much as we love so many others.
Happy Mother's Day to All the "Mommies"!!!
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